Ken Paxton Would Like a Word (But Not That One)

Howdy y'all, it's Brian Gaar with The Barbed Wire. There are weeks when Texas feels like a state. Then there are weeks when it feels like four different TV shows airing at the same time.

This week, Ken Paxton held a press conference that ended the second reporters started asking questions.

New court filings cast fresh doubt on the government's account of a fatal ICE shooting in Houston.

Canada looked at Texas livestock and said, "Yeah… we're gonna sit this one out for a while." And the Houston Dynamo found a way to get paid to put "Dude Wipes" on their butts.

Let's get into it.

Ken Paxton Holds Press Conference, Immediately Leaves Press Conference

Texas Attorney General and Senate candidate Ken Paxton held a rare press conference Tuesday. And it went about as well as you’d think a Ken Paxton press conference would go. 

Reporters wanted to ask about the growing list of controversies surrounding his campaign, including allegations involving where he voted, reports about mortgage documents listing multiple primary residences, and recent reporting that property records suggest Paxton or his trusts now own at least 15 properties worth roughly $9 million.

Paxton had other plans.

When one reporter started asking about those allegations, Paxton interrupted to say he only wanted questions about law enforcement. Reporters, exercising the radical notion that journalists get to decide what questions they ask, kept pressing.

So Paxton walked away from his own press conference. Lol.

His Democratic opponent, state Rep. James Talarico, criticized Paxton for refusing to answer questions. Not surprisingly, Paxton still has not agreed to debate his opponent.

New Witness Statements Challenge ICE's Account of Fatal Houston Shooting

New court filings have raised significant new questions about the fatal July 7 ICE shooting of Lorenzo Salgado Araujo in Houston.

Two passengers riding in Salgado Araujo's van submitted handwritten statements saying ICE vehicles struck the van from behind and the side before it stopped. Both men said Salgado Araujo had already come to a complete stop when agents opened fire.

Those accounts directly contradict ICE's initial public statement, which said an agent fired in self-defense after Salgado Araujo attempted to use the van to run over an officer.

One passenger wrote that it was "impossible" for officers to have been in danger of being run over because they were positioned alongside the van, not in front of it.

The Department of Homeland Security referred questions to the Office of Inspector General, which is investigating the shooting, while the FBI is also conducting its own investigation.

The case has drawn increased scrutiny because the agents involved were not wearing body cameras, and officials have said there were no dashboard cameras either.

Canada Would Like Texas to Keep Its Livestock to Itself

Canada has temporarily suspended imports of a long list of animals from Texas—including horses, cattle, pigs, sheep, goats, deer, elk, llamas and more—over concerns about the spread of the New World screwworm.

If you're unfamiliar with the New World screwworm, congratulations on having a pleasant day up until this point.

The parasitic fly lays eggs in open wounds, and its larvae feed on living tissue. Texas has confirmed 34 cases since the infestation was detected in South Texas in June.

Canadian officials say the restriction is meant to prevent the pest from reaching Canada during the summer months, even though the country's climate isn't suitable for the fly to establish itself long-term.

Experts estimate roughly 500 million sterile flies need to be released every week to eliminate the infestation. The U.S. is currently producing about 100 million per week, meaning officials still have a long road ahead.

Houston Dynamo Put Dude Wipes Exactly Where You Think They Did

The Houston Dynamo have signed a multiyear sponsorship deal with Dude Wipes, making them the first MLS team to sell the league's new back-of-jersey advertising space as a standalone sponsorship.

Which, if you're Dude Wipes, is apparently the dream.

The company says its marketing strategy revolves around "being on the butt" of uniform partnerships.

And their campaign with the Dynamo includes the slogan: "Space City has Uranus covered."

No notes.

The logo will debut on the backs of Dynamo jerseys next month, and current jersey owners will even be able to add the new sponsor logo to existing kits.

Somewhere, Don Draper is either crying or taking furious notes.